Everything i can give

Isn’t it a waste of time?
Becoming still, seeking God’s presence, listening to what He has to say?

There is so much demanding my attention, insistently telling me: I am the priority right now. Me first, then God. God can wait.
No.

It is the most valuable time of the day. I owe it to Him that I am able to experience this day at all. His day for me.

I want to perceive God, turn my heart toward Him. Be connected with Him. Draw from Him so that I am equipped for the day. Hear what matters from His perspective.
I want to talk through the day with God.
I lay down my to-do lists or create one with Him. I discuss plans, fears, and worries with Him and seek His counsel. To let go. To rely on Him. “Rely on me” — that is what I am currently learning.

For about eight years I accompanied and cared for my mother. I wove my life around hers, organized her life, made sure she was well cared for. There was less and less time left to sit at Jesus’ feet.
I had to “do,” because she couldn’t and no one else did. She relied on me. Now she is home with Jesus. The season of excessive busyness is over. Now I no longer have to manage everything like Martha. Now I no longer have to weigh Mama against Jesus.

Jesus, now I’m enjoying His presence, receiving strength and hope again.
What matters is the moment. Now. Here. Him. Me.

Pouring out my admiration before His throne like wonderfully fragrant oil.
Worshiping Him.

Faith without works is dead.
But so is faith without an intimate relationship with God.

During the phases when so much practical caregiving was required, my relationship with Him was running on low flame. More and more often I failed to read His Word, to pray, and to minister spiritually to my mother. I was exhausted. Empty.

No one should belittle the necessary “Martha phases” in life; sometimes that is simply what is possible in a certain season. Jesus did not condemn Martha, but He pointed out that Mary had chosen what was essential, what truly mattered. Mary was able to become still because Martha was busy and provided the backup. (Luke 10, 38-42)

You are giving everything you are able to give right now. And you are also doing it for Jesus, because He says: ‘’Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25,40)

If there is no Martha in your life and you yourself have to be Martha, do not blame yourself. Walk through that challenging season. But then remember Jesus. Let Him rebuild you in His presence. And then enjoy the “Mary time” to the fullest. You never know when God may need you to be “Martha” again in order to fill a gap.

Everything I can give, I entrust to You.